pain and tears

i just had another teary session. 'another' because i've had some throughout the whole pregnancy. although it's 5more weeks to full term (of 37weeks), i'm quite tired already.

Asher's increasing weight is beginning to take a toll on my body. while the pelvic ligament pain has eased up a lot, it hurts a lot when it decides to return. and that makes sitting or lying down a pain. which means standing up is the better option. and in the last few days, that has resulted in my left knee and ankle joints hurting like crazy. it feels like rheumatism but worse. :'(

so while i sat in bed crying, the hubby came by and listened sympathetically to my lament. and poked my tummy, telling the baby boy "you must love mummy ok, she's going through a lot for you."

honestly, i feel guilty cuz i know a lot of women go through much worse than me during their pregnancies. at the same time, i don't know how they tahan. this has also given me greater respect for all mothers out there. God be the strength i need...

family blog

i've started a new blog for the family at wordpress: http://workinpohgress.wordpress.com/

i'll still be keeping this blog, as the family blog will be more public than this one.

growth of a baby...

i thought it would be interesting to line up the photos and see how much my tummy (and the baby boy) has grown since early Nov. only 4 months, but the growth is SO significant! haha...

i like...

to gently massage Asher's fist/foot when he pokes it upwards and i can see/feel a rounded shape in my abdomen

how pregnancy is such a lovely gift despite its inconveniences

watching the wobbles in my tummy whenever Asher moves about inside

the father-son bonding whenever the hubby leans to my tummy to talk to our son

family hugs-me and the hubby and our arms around my tummy (:

how interesting it'll be to see Asher take on different characteristics from each of his parents :P

He's Able

i decided to sing a new song to Asher this morning during my bath and the song 'He's Able' came to mind. and as i began to sing it, i was surprised how ministering the song was, despite it being a childhood song and mainly an 'action' song for kids.

He's able, He's able

I know He's able

I know my Lord is able

To carry me through

He heals the broken hearted

And sets the captive free

He makes the lame to walk again

And cause the blind to see

Oh yea!

the simple words of 'He's able' have such depth to it, and i think often times in my journey as an adult, i've had difficulty fully believing it for myself. even as a chance meeting with a girlfriend this morning reminded me that i'm not sure i'm all that prepared emotionally for Asher's arrival, this song acts as a reminder that He is able, more than able to carry me through.

8 weeks and counting...

yup, i'm 8 more weeks till i hit full term of 37weeks. since full term's anywhere from 37 to 40 weeks, i'm keeping myself mentally prepared for baby Asher to come anytime between that. hopefully though, he'll arrive after 9th April. the hubby'll still be in reservist then but hopefully he'll be fully released should i go into labor then, and not be kept in for the full duration of service.

i'm a bit baffled as to how much rounder i can get cuz i feel really big already. i mean, compared to how i was pre-pregnancy, i am considerably big. in addition, there are nights where i get so achy that i cry, wishing that the pregnancy would end already :P yet i know that if the kid comes out now i'll be worried sick more than anything.

turns out my gynae's pregnant too! haha. so my last appointment didn't work out cuz she called in on mc minutes before i turned up. the good thing was that i had my scan done half an hour before that so it wasn't a wasted trip to the hospital. and here's a look at my darling boy!! (:

that's his entire face you're looking at. just tilt your head to the left to see him right side up. it was really cute to see him open and close his mouth during the scan, taking in the amniotic fluid. he looks like he's got chubby cheeks! and looks like he might be bald...hahaha....can't wait to see him!

bracing myself

i wish i can be more honest in sharing now, and my heart really wants to burst to say all that is inside. but with a decision still pending till maybe 2weeks later (or even sooner), i can't and shouldn't say anything yet.

what i can say, and need to say, is that the seasons are going to shift. and in ways that i certainly didn't expect. right now it feels like autumn or winter might be coming, but God might really intend it to be spring or summer.

there'll probably will continue to be wrestling of emotions, expectations and learning to keep laying dreams and hopes at His feet. or as the hubby said, "sacrifice your isaac. maybe this has become your isaac."

*breathes long and hard*

i suppose it's no coincidence that i felt led to live by Isaiah 30:15b this year, cuz more than ever, i'm clinging onto and learning to dissect what it really means.

"...in quietness and trust shall be your strength..."

pray with and for me won't you, that i will not be contentious no matter what the seasons bring, but that i will learn to rest, and be confident of His character.

maoiliosa's shop

i found this on etsy.com and absolutely love this lady's creations! i'm not a fan of japanese stuff but her creations are so very pretty! just check out this picture below, little fridge magnets. and there's loads more at http://www.etsy.com/shop/maoiliosa :)

Jan photo faves

Thought I'd share a few pictures from January:

The pictures on the left were baby boy's clothes at a deparmental store in BKK that were oh-so-adorable but way-too-expensive to purchase. I especially like the shorts cuz seriously, would any baby's butt smell like heaven when it's pee or poo laden? ;)

The picture of my in the dress is my current tummy size. Still small by many people's standards cuz I look more like 5 than 7 months pregnant. Still, it's all my small body size can take so I guess He knows best, how much my body can take (:

The feet picture is my :( picture. my feet have now become poofy, as are my fingers. The only footwear I can comfortably fit in are my Birks but with CNY coming, they don't match my dresses at all! My fingers are poofy too, with the rings becoming more and more difficult to wrestle off each night.

Let's see how big I'll become by the end of this month :)

where He desires me to be

hello february!

hard to believe it's already the second month of the year. hey, where did my weekend go? heh, i might have more of those exclamations in time to come ;)

last night i allowed myself to fully feel the emotions about an 'issue'. it really isn't such a big deal, in the bigger picture, but i guess it was something i needed to sort out for myself, and not allow it to fester into bitterness in future.

last year i was challenged by my boss to enter a leadership training program that would span a year, and take place in different cities over the world. the hubby encouraged me to take it on and after some thought, i was won over by it, especially how such an opportunity wouldn't come easy. i was apprehensive though, when i would be pregnant as there were 'conditions' attached to the training; having a kid would pose greater challenges to fulfilling the responsibilities required.

and as it turns out, i did become pregnant and after a brief discussion with my boss, we decided that i'd forgo the chance this time round. at that time, i was pretty okay with it. or so i thought.

seeing in the work calendar that a gf would be flying off for the training this week suddenly made me wonder how things might be different. and i caught myself-am i actually wishing that things were different?

a hard look at my heart revealed that yes, i would very much like to still be on the program. at the same time, i can't help feeling and wondering if i might be 'missing out' on some things in my work life just cuz i'm going to become a mother. after all, most of my peers are only beginning to settle down now and a kid won't be in the picture for at least another year or two. and there's no denying the emotions of feeling alone and more than just a little lost at times. but really, He deemed me ready enough to become a mother in less than 3 months...so, that says something, right?

i don't regret, cuz this kid's really special (just look at how He protected him from harm while i lived in total ignorance for 2 months about the pregnancy). He's placed me here in this season cuz that's what is best for me, and not somewhere else. and to understand what it'll be like to become a parent, i'll learn more of how He is a Father to me.

this is where He desires me to be. and this is where i'll learn to embrace all that comes my way.