random musings

i've been wanting to post a photo of this top and finally remembered to take a shot of it today. It's a top that my mum wore when she was pregnant with me, which makes it more than 26years old! Made in Japan, it certainly doesn't feel dated at all. But as you can probably see in the photo, my growing tummy is already peeking out of it :P

and with baby poh growing, my tummy is stretching and this has resulted in my skin peeling like i've got sunburn. *sings* let it flake, let it flake, let it flake

lately i've noticed that i can barely see some parts of my body without a mirror. at times when i try to crane my neck to see how badly i've been peeling, my neck will ache :(

my feet and face seem to be getting a little swollen too. hopefully it's just water retention. i've put on almost 8-9kg now and i do wonder how much of it is water and how much of it is (*eek*) fat. having had a dream some nights ago that i became horrendously obese during pregnancy, i'm realising even more how vain i can be :P

i relish the times i can see little humps rise and fall on my tummy when baby poh squirms around in my tummy (: it's such an amazing thing to see and feel. i wish the hubby could share in that experience too, but he lacks the anatomy to. which he might actually be grateful for. haha.

happy new year's eve's eve!

3 Years

(: today marks our 3rd year together.

and there's no better gift than to have the hubby home safe, and thankfully, nasal congestion free.

thank You for so much grace and love to us.

and here's to many more years of that.

the big and small things

i now have 5 tiny outfits awaiting the little boy, all of which he can't wear at birth :P cuz the clothes are for 3-6months old babies. hopefully he won't be too skinny, given how much smaller my tummy is compared to other mums of similar 'time frame' and that both me and the hubby are small to begin with.

this marks the beginning of possibly spending more time shopping for my son than myself. and i'm trying to get used to the term 'my son'. heh.. while i anticipate the birth of this little fella, there're things that i'm beginning to find myself grappling with.

from wondering how much sleep i'll get at all once i pop, to breastfeeding concerns, colic worries, and having to possibly contend with mothering advice from family/friends, that already feels like A LOT. while all that are concerns that i know i need to find my own footing and style as a mum when the day comes, the other things feel more real. and i don't quite know how to think or feel about those either. for example, the next 4 months will be my last as a 'permanent' staff in the office before my days of working from home begin. i know i'll miss the open concept office space, the random laughter and camaraderie among colleagues/friends and adult conversations. all these i'll have to trade for baby talk, changing diapers, feeding my son like i'm a cow and understanding how ministry will be defined for me and for d.a.n.c.e.

for all it's worth, i'll treasure my next few months. life will never be the same again.

i am...

thrilled every time i feel baby poh kicking, punching or somersaulting inside the womb. though at wee hours of the morning at times, i cherish it as it's a special connection that i have with him. and for only a few more months before he enters the world.

irritated at increased sensitivity of my skin, especially between my fingers. the perpetual itch almost feels like eczema, all red and scaly and dry :(

feeling all stuffed in my nose and wishing that my nose and ears would clear for good. really soon.

a bit dismayed to see that designers cater a lot more to baby girls than boys in their merchandise. c'mon, boys can wear nice clothes too y'know.

thankful for the beautiful greenery that S'pore has. just seeing how well trimmed they are, or the way the plants flower or bear fruit always makes me feel better, no matter what mood i'm in. it's almost like a reminder that God's at work, even when i think He's being rather silent.

hoping to go for a dip soon, to exercise the muscles a bit.

wondering if my nose will allow me to make it out of the house for the wedding tomorrow :S

looking forward to meeting joey soon. whenever that is (:

missing the hubby already, even though he just flew off last night. :P

becoming mama

we finally had the long awaited scan yesterday, and discovered that we're going to have a boy (: i was a mixture of happiness and disappointment, the latter being that i've been hoping that our first child would be a girl. but staring at the ultrasound and seeing the boy's facial features, so delicately but clearly formed, i started to tear. here i was staring at my unborn child, known yet unknown.

there was a brief scare, when the technician said she needed one of the senior doctors to look at the baby's heart structure just to make sure everything's alright. i had seen a white spot in baby poh's heart through the ultrasound and true enough, that was the point of concern. thankfully, the doctor said it's not a tumor but the muscle insertion (or something like that) as the heart forms and grows. praying that the white spot will disappear in time.

i'm fearful now and again. i confess that i think i'd find mothering a girl a lot easier cuz i'm a woman. in fact, i'm clueless even as i start thinking of mothering a son. the world of trucks and cars are foreign to me. while the hubby would be a lot more adapt in this area of boys' toys, i would be the one spending most of the time with the little one since i'll be working from home, caring for the baby at the same time. in fact, i had rationalized that God wouldn't give us a boy cuz i just don't feel ready to mother a boy yet. some rationale. :P

yet another huge thing to trust God for! haha.

the process of finding a suitable name for baby poh has begun. there's so much to consider, especially with the mandarin name needing to sound nice in mandarin, hokkien AND cantonese. furthermore, the final initials can't be weird since the boy has to go to the army in future.

here's a look at our baby boy (: it's a little blur cuz i took a picture of the ultrasound with my phone. but it almost feels like he posed for us to see how he looks like. i love him (:

when faith falters

i finally cried it out early this morning, after the hubby returned from rehearsal and asked me, "so how are you feeling about the ballot results?" I could only muster a few phrases before the tears just poured forth.

having had a little time to myself earlier on the way home, i had asked God the popular "why?" surely He could more than tell that we need the flat, especially with baby poh coming. as it is, the hubby has been making sacrifices to allow us a somewhat comfortable space to live in. when baby poh arrives, we'll need to make even more room for the numerous things that the kid needs.

i felt Him saying that it wasn't the right one yet, to which i was almost incredulous. His next answer to me was probably what my heart needed to hear. "just because the wait is longer doesn't mean that it's not going to be good."

i think that's the point where my faith began to falter. every time i hit a road block in the wait, i wondered if it was silly to have put so much faith, if what we've been waiting for is going to be lesser than what we desired. you know how it is, after several delays and disappointments, we adjust and lower our expectations so that the disappointment wouldn't be as great as before.

coming from the person who likes to tell others to wait for God to bring the right guy along for them, i'm finding it hard to trust likewise for our home. *sigh*

but my faith can't be in the home, in that flat we need. my faith needs to be in HIM, His unchanging character, His promise that His love never fails.

This is my desire

To honor You

Lord with all my heart

I worship You

All that is within me

I give you praise

All that I adore is in You

Lord I give You my heart

I give You my soul

I live for You alone

Every breath that I take

Every moment I'm awake

Lord have Your way in me

tight squeeze

when i saw the picture for how baby poh probably looks right now at 19 weeks, i got a shock. it looks like such a tight squeeze!! the sensory development is happening right now! (:

the beginning of december

this is a long overdue post, mainly cuz i've been too busy at work. this month is gonna be crazy preparing for Meta since we're doing a workshop, a dance skit and dancing for a worship set. thankfully i'm not involved in the last one, also cuz i don't think my current roundness would be very graceful :P

i'm feeling a little grouchy and more than a tad disappointed now. just found out that our ballot number for the j.west flats way exceeds the number of available flats. i suppose having baby poh on the way makes it more urgent...don't quite know how to think even though i'd prayed for grace to accept the results He gives us. this might mean having to raise baby poh for the first few months in the already cramped in-law's place :S i need to talk to God...

anyway, something that i wanted to post were pictures of how i looked like in November, with the baby bump showing (:

3rd Nov at 4months

19Nov at 18.3weeks

today at 19 weeks.

the dress i'm wearing is from cotton on, but it really looks like a maternity dress on me. you can't really see the baby bump i suppose, even with my hands pressed down against the dress so as to make it more obvious. heh.

a common question i receive is if people have been offering me their seats. so far, only 1 lady has done so voluntarily. most times the seat was emptied when the passenger alighted at his/her stop. in any case, i hardly look my age, much less married. i've resigned to receiving dirty looks from strangers and being mistaken to be a teenage pregnancy case. heh.

december will see the hubby being really busy!! i will be too, with work and making his prezzie. heh. ok, baby's kicking and it's lunch time. please pray we'll have a solution for our housing needs!