i need

a good, long acu-pressure massage

a night's sleep and rest that isn't dream filled 80% of the time

to sit down to a good hearty meat-laden with chilli so my body won't keep feeling hungy

to pak-tor with the hubby2be, cuz it's been almost 2-3months since we last went out

dancers to stop falling sick and getting injured and to dance properly for the june project that i wish will be over soon

to REST.

on MC

i'm sittin at home, hugging my bolster, all sniffly with a headache that won't seem to go away, and body aches that surface at their will. 

i'm down with the flu. :(

which made me realise i've not gotten sick for almost 2 years! the stuff i've had to battle were the rhinitis attacks, which pales in comparison to the flu (i think). as a result, i'm trying hard not to be whiny about the aches that won't seem to go away no matter what i do, and the inconsistent temperature that's driving me nuts. 

that said, i'm glad to be able to take a 'guilt free rest', as sara puts it. and if i'd gotten the bug from my pastor in the 1hour meeting hubby2be and i had with him, the bug's either really strong, or my immunity had hit new lows. or both. which is a big reminder to be consistent in popping my vitamins. 

now i shall explore the world of online games (or not), or bury my face in the good book, or some christian literature. flu, quickly go away from me!

striving, to not be

as i sit freezing in the starbucks @ citylink, i decided to blog while waiting for my appointment to arrive. 

the weekend was a crazy one, with much crying from issues deeper than i dared to admit. sunday morning was spent not in church, but at a tcc trying to sort out with Him the stirrings of hurt deep within. the little upset the day before with hubby2be surfaced unresolved stuff. and as much as i hated to admit it, i had to learn to tell myself, and hubby2be, that i still struggle with feeling like i'm not enough.

i don't even remember how the impressions started, of why i often felt a simple comment was an indication that i had not done enough, that my best still didn't meet the mark. And even though i know in my head that i don't have to live up to others' expectations, my heart probably struggles to accept that who i am is really really just enough. and that others' disappointments of me, isn't always cuz i didn't try hard enough. 

i'm not perfect, so why do i try to be? why do i want to be? why do i desire to be faultless and blameless? isn't that pride such an ugly face to wear? *sigh*

*thank you for holding me up in prayer even as you read this. i think the only courage i have in sharing this is cuz, well...i'm 'hidden' behind the 'veil' of the internet...

flowers!!

yay!! was so happy when i found that yv. had posted her pics onto fb. pity none of us got photos of the staircase flower decor though (i think). the helpers did those, and i think the effect was really sweet (: feel so happy just looking at the flowers. we had ordered too many baby's breath and forget-me-nots, and after taking down the decor, we were frantically trying to give them away (heh). thankfully, most of the flowers found an owner! (: 

Post Labor Day

I spent most of the day at i.q.'s wedding, preparing and working on the flowers with 3 other able helpers. had worked on the fabric the day before so that work would be easier today, and thankfully, the results were quite satisfactory! (: was very encouraged to receive compliments on the decor too! hee... definitely feel more confident now after my debut at wedding flower decor. 

of course, it has also helped me to understand why commercial florists charge the exorbitant rates that they do; almost 50% of that goes to services rendered. by the time i was done putting up the flowers, i was ready to head home and into bed :P 

nevertheless, it was a sweet wedding ceremony, with the chinese-educated pastor bravely taking on the challenge of speaking in english to facilitate the exchange of vows in both languages, to allow all present to understand the ceremony. topped off with the q. serenading i. at the end of the ceremony and i. being carried down the (100m+ long) aisle, what more could one ask for? (: 

at the same time, it's scary to realise that my BIG day is in 2months...   !!!!! 

i think i'm trying to ignore the day i'll hafta say goodbye to the room i spent the last 10years+ in, studying, talking to God, crying, living from when i'm not out of the house. and the serenity of the area i've come to appreciate much despite the inaccessibility. and since i'll be staying at hubby2be's place until our *nest* comes, i'll not move everything over...which probably means most of my books. 

meanwhile, i'm counting down the days till hubby2be returns from the US (mission trip). as you read this, could you intercede: for the ppl he and the band are reaching out to, and for their health, that no harm (H1N1)  nor evil will befall them. thank you!! as of now, more than 70 people have PRC-ed through their ministry in the last 2 weeks! :D