when faith falters

i finally cried it out early this morning, after the hubby returned from rehearsal and asked me, "so how are you feeling about the ballot results?" I could only muster a few phrases before the tears just poured forth.

having had a little time to myself earlier on the way home, i had asked God the popular "why?" surely He could more than tell that we need the flat, especially with baby poh coming. as it is, the hubby has been making sacrifices to allow us a somewhat comfortable space to live in. when baby poh arrives, we'll need to make even more room for the numerous things that the kid needs.

i felt Him saying that it wasn't the right one yet, to which i was almost incredulous. His next answer to me was probably what my heart needed to hear. "just because the wait is longer doesn't mean that it's not going to be good."

i think that's the point where my faith began to falter. every time i hit a road block in the wait, i wondered if it was silly to have put so much faith, if what we've been waiting for is going to be lesser than what we desired. you know how it is, after several delays and disappointments, we adjust and lower our expectations so that the disappointment wouldn't be as great as before.

coming from the person who likes to tell others to wait for God to bring the right guy along for them, i'm finding it hard to trust likewise for our home. *sigh*

but my faith can't be in the home, in that flat we need. my faith needs to be in HIM, His unchanging character, His promise that His love never fails.

This is my desire

To honor You

Lord with all my heart

I worship You

All that is within me

I give you praise

All that I adore is in You

Lord I give You my heart

I give You my soul

I live for You alone

Every breath that I take

Every moment I'm awake

Lord have Your way in me