time passing me by

it's been a week since our first gynae visit, but it feels way more than that. it's quite scary too, that i'm starting my 4th month into the pregnancy.

if i allow myself to, i might start freaking out at the expenses for the numerous baby stuff (essentials) that are needed, about breastfeeding correctly, about labor, about our hopefully soon to receive home, about putting on weight and not fat, about eating well for baby poh and me...about a million things. in a blink of an eye, i'm gonna be a mum, whether or not i feel ready.

*sigh* i MUST not allow faith to be shaken, especially if i only choose to look at myself or to cower when fear looms around. worry isn't of God, and without faith it is impossible to please God. when i falter, help me to overcome my unbelief Lord!

the miracle of creation

i had signed up as a member of babycenter.com and every week they'll send me an email to tell me how the baby's growing inside the womb, and what unseen changes are taking place. here's what it says of week 13.

Fingerprints have formed on your baby's tiny fingertips, her veins and organs are clearly visible through her still-thin skin, and her body is starting to catch up with her head -- which makes up just a third of her body size now. If you're having a girl, she now has more than 2 million eggs in her ovaries. Your baby is almost 3 inches long (the size of a medium shrimp) and weighs nearly an ounce. As you start your second trimester, most of your baby's critical development will be completed and your odds of miscarriage drop considerably

3inches is about 7.5cm, a growth of 1.5cm from last week. how in the world does 7.5cm contain all the organs??

it's real cool that the fingerprints have been formed :)

and i didn't even know we're capable of 2million eggs. but if we (i.e. gals) ovulate from say...13-50, that still makes it less than 500 eggs being used. what happens to the rest of the 1.9million eggs?? 2million eggs in a 7.5cm foetus??

don't even try to sell me the idea that evolution is the way man. nooooo way. this, has to be the work of an amazing God (:

wanting to leave a legacy

as part of my IBS homework to journal about the psalms, i was doing an entry on psalm 25 on friday and verse 14 stuck out like a sore thumb.

"The secret of the LORD is with those who fear Him, and he will show them His covenant."

having been reading and thinking quite a bit recently on David and Solomon, i became convinced that the fear of God is of utmost importance, no matter what spiritual gifts or wisdom one may have. and i was determined that baby poh learns this from young, and that we as his/her parents, will demonstrate that in our lives. it won't be easy! even bible bigshots had their pitfalls. but such a legacy will go beyond anything that we can offer our children in their lives.

as i began to pray for baby poh on saturday night while lying in bed, i suddenly became overwhelmed with emotion. it almost seemed like i had a delayed emotional reaction to the whole pregnancy cuz i cried like mad as i prayed, thanking God for creating baby poh, the way He protected the child while i danced like nobody's business in july-august, totally unaware of the little one inside me. it was a good cry, almost comforting actually.

i went on a shopping trip yesterday with joey, and headed to my sunset home for dinner with family. i thought i had shopped quite a bit, but when my mum started pulling out clothes from her wardrobe for me to try, i was quite astounded. in the end i lugged back another bag of clothes from my mum's stash, stuff that she rarely wears these days. i have absolutely no more space in my wardrobe for any more clothes, unless i try to reorganize the way things are arranged. but i'm really pleased with one particular top mum passed to me. it's a top that she wore when she was pregnant with me! :D can you imagine? it's 25 years old! i don't know if i can make it last till my own daughter gets pregnant in future but i just thought it's kinda cool to wear what my mum wore when she had me (: my brother thought it was really weird though. i told him it's probably a girl thing. i shall take a picture of it when i get around to wearing it.

when the hubby jets off around the world

last night i sent the hubby (and 2 other colleagues) off at the airport for their 5day recce trip to calcutta. this is going to be the first of quite a few of the hubby's trips to various places.

dec-church camp (my first time to KL!) + hubby's india mission trip (10days)

jan-production training trip to US (approx 2 weeks)

feb-1st week i've a retreat, 2nd week another retreat while hubby's at ICT

april-hubby's 2nd ICT, before baby poh arrives

this schedule is so deja vu, as we had experienced similar periods of separation early on in our relationship. the difference now is that we're married, i'm expecting, and staying with my in-laws. aside from the finances that we're trusting God to provide for all of these trips, we're needing to manage the emotional challenges this brings to the relationship.

since we confirmed the pregnancy, the hubby has been such a great source of comfort with his mere presence when i suddenly feel sick, become massively bloated at night, praying for us and baby poh while i struggle to keep awake at night. at the same time, i know i'm needing to learn to be reliant on Him for the strength that i need, and to learn to be independent. the latter will be crucial i think, if i'm seriously considering working and caring for baby poh in the future. it's a challenge to work the gynae appointments around this schedule though. and i haven't gotten to the antenatal classes yet. :P

that said, it was good to be able to see the gynae before the hubby jetted off. though we had an appointment, the queue for the ultrasound scan was over an hour long. we found out why there were possible delays as baby poh wasn't too cooperative that day.

as we stared at the screen with amazement when the images of baby poh came on, i realized that his/her size could only mean one thing: i'm more pregnant than i thought. true enough, the specialist (not the gynae) announced that i'm 3months pregnant. but i was totally distracted with staring at our little one to realize what this meant till we left the room. the specialist needed to vertically measure baby poh but repeated probing of my stomach failed to make baby poh move from a horizontal position. but the way baby poh floundered in the womb when probed was absolutely hilarious and cute (: even a walk proved futile to budge my probably sleeping baby.

once out of the room and waiting to see the gynae, i whipped out my calendar to count when i had conceived. last week of july. that means, my weird hormones had caused me to ovulate extremely quickly, for my period had ended just the week before. or maybe even a few days, since i don't keep track of these things very well. anyhow, baby poh is expected to be due on 26april, with the possibility of being a week early.

now that we have baby poh, it'll be 2 of us waiting for the hubby to return (:

a pleasant wednesday morning

the day started out with a relaxed journey to work as i had a late morning meeting outside the office. after purchasing the envelopes needed for newsletter stuffing, i settled into a nice spot at the refurbished coffeebean at paya lebar singpost.

i was quite happy to see that they had a small but thoughtful selection of caffeine-free teas. after confirming the pregnancy, i'm abstaining from caffeine as much as i can, which isn't easy since i love the aroma and calming effect various teas have on me. having already had my quota this month (so set by the hubby), i'm very mindful of what's available on the drinks menu every time i eat out, which is often. i chose a berry tea and quite liked how its red essence swooshed around in the fat tea cup. having been warned by the barrista that it has a sour tinge to it, i dunked four teaspoons of sugar syrup into it. i suppose the syrup was a tad diluted as it needed a few more spoons of syrup to make it drinkable.

watching the rain gently pelting outside, i began on my IBS assignment of memorizing 50 verses from the psalms. it is definitely no easy task, especially when the perfectionist in me wants to get every word right. i'm given leeway to make up to a few mistakes each verse, but...nah... :P

my lunch appointment arrived at 1130 and as i tucked into my very yummy 'brek-o-day', i was very glad for the delightful conversation that followed. though it wasn't a lengthy lunch, i learnt a lot about the dance scene and am thankful that God has placed this lady in the commercial dance circle. i only wish there was more of my lunch since it was so very yummy.

now that i'm back in the office, it's nice that it's so quiet for once, since most colleagues from the other two departments aren't in. i shall get moving on the envelopes. they look too blank for their own good.

morning sickness?

this post was going to be titled and detailed entirely differently, until this morning. having woken up at 630am after less than 5hours of dream filled and interrupted sleep, i was feeling rather confident about making it to office early to have my second breakfast before my meeting.

as hormones (or whatever the cause was) would have it, i began feeling really tired at tiong bahru (going by the mrt stations) and by outram, badly needed a seat on the really packed train. standing right beside the door, i was shoved into an even tighter space when this plump guy entered and chose to stand 5cm away from my face, with his weird smelling cologne right in my nostrils. the even more packed train didn't help. starting to feel faint and nauseous, i quickly scrambled out of the train to a seat on the platform. suddenly my stomach lurched, and though i frantically reached for a plastic bag, i threw up too soon, right on the tanjong pagar mrt platform.

man, it stank :S

it was at this point in time, even as i was embarrassed at my totally unglam moment, i wondered how many of the well-suited cdb people would stop to help me. it took almost a full minute as the crowds walked past me before a lady patted my back, and another lady offered me a huge pack of tissue. suffice to say, i was super grateful, and even more so for the mrt staff who wheel-chaired me to the staff quarters so i could rest. i just feel so bad for the staff who had to clean up my mess :( oh, and the staff even escorted me to the train later and got a guy to give up his seat for me :)

i eventually made it to work, just in time for my meeting. *sigh* i don't know if it was morning sickness or the bad smelling cologne or a mixture of everything.

in any case, what i was going to blog about was that i'm extremely pleased with 3 new tops that i got last night on an impromptu date with the hubby. it's the first time i'm buying M and L sized tops for myself, having to bear in mind that i need to give space for growing baby poh to fit in. more shopping is to come, with many of my normal clothes becoming a tad too tight already.

i'm looking forward to thursday, when we'll finally see the gynae, and find out how baby poh is (:

the 1st trimester

we've yet to see a gynae, as the recommended (female) one is now located at thomson medical instead of kkh, where we've decided i should deliver in. i'm a little impatient to see the gynae soon, just so that i know how old baby poh is. my guess is 7-8weeks, if i recall rightly when i started feeling the symptoms.

the symptoms have now ventured into being really hypersensitive to smells and starting last night, having a scarily bigger appetite. this morning, i had a pork floss sandwich and milk, followed by an apple, and a whole pack of bee hoon+egg+luncheon meat by 930am. yea, that made up my breakfast (taken at separate times) this morning, as i realized to my horror how insatiable the hunger is now. as i type this, i'm halfway through a nutella sandwich less than after a full lunch of cai fan.

as i learn to cope with the many changes my body goes through in this first pregnancy, i'm amazed at the thought of how jesus came to the world in the form of a baby. i had marveled at that before, but now, it is the thought of how He went through the formation in a mother's womb that amazes me. to think that He would humble Himself to be formed that way, and to be reliant on the human body. it astounds me, to understand that my Lord and Savior went through that whole process, something which we have all been through, and is what baby poh is going through now.

i like that thought. i'll think more about that through the day.

preparing for a little one

(: we confirmed on tuesday that i'm expecting a little one, baby poh. till we determine the gender, that's the baby's name ;) we haven't seen the gynae yet, hope to do so by early Oct.

so much for the 2 year plan! :P at least that was my idea. but He's got other plans evidently. i'm glad that at least the many symptoms i've been experiencing in recent weeks are for a reason. the unexplainable headaches, extreme fatigue, nausea, persistent hunger and bloatedness *faints* but as of now, baby poh is anywhere from 3-8weeks old.

pray for us! we are of course excited and happy at this miracle of a child (and so soon!!). nevertheless, it's a whirlwind of a journey too.

• pray that i'll be able to put on weight healthily. the doctor ordered me to put on weight but with how little i can eat at each sitting before becoming full, i don't know if that's a tall order.
• pray that i'll be able to stay toned despite having to abstain from most of the dancing i've been doing (again, doctor's orders). the vainpot in me shudders at the thought of having flabby muscles during these few months :P
• pray for our house!! with the little one due to come before mid 2010, it's quite important we can get our own place soon.
• pray that i can adjust patiently and with grace to all the physical, emotional and lifestyle changes. At the same time, pray that the hubby will be able to adjust to my adjustments too
• pray that we will learn to be heart prepared as best as we can, to be the young parents that we'll be
• ok, this is gonna sound a little silly but i'm really dreading (highly) possible situations that strangers will think the pregnancy is shotgun cuz of how young we look. i get weird looks sometimes in the lift when we head off to the office. heh.

ok gotta go back to my place! (: thanks for praying dear friends!!

life so far

has been mostly good (:

of late i haven't been sleeping enough as the hubby has been grinding his teeth a lot in his sleep. hypersensitive to sound, i wake up at every instance that it happens. sometimes it's a short soft grinding, other times it's long-drawn and literally, right in my ear.

but last night i felt very sorry for him. we'd gone to the doc (mostly cuz he wanted to see us following our medical reports) and the hubby was given muscle relaxants. the haze that descended upon the little red dot last night however, made breathing so difficult for both of us. seeing how he kept tossing and turning in his sleep to breathe better made me :( hopefully, the nasal spray tonight will help.

we're still in need of our house and waiting on Him. ministry wise, there's much on both of our plates to consider for the end of this year and 2010. much wisdom and discernment needed to know how He desires for us to walk.

Yesterday the Crea Comm ppl celebrated my birthday with a decadent cake from Awfully Chocolate. The actual day was spent on catching on much needed sleep and dinner @ sun with moon (wheelock). the hubby ordered a teriyaki foie gras appetiser that was soooo amazingly good, it won my heart and tummy. (: it was nice to satisfy the sukiyaki craving too, hee.

wedding pictures are out!! will need to start the rather laborious task of choosing relevant ones to print for family members. still, not as laborious as the energy the photographer invested in editing them. i shall choose to do this in joy! :D

the coming of age

it just occured to me this morning that in 13 days, i'll turn a quarter of a century old. WOW.

i guess it's just a number to some but it feels like the crossing of a threshold. it feels like... *gasp* i'm only 5 years away from being 30!!! *EEEKS*!!!!

it feels strange, like a heavy responsibility, yet of what, i have no clue.

i liked being 24. and since i like even numbers, i'm actually not that keen on being 25, cuz it's an odd number. silly reason i know, but it's one of those quirks. yet, i'm kind of excited. i think the year of being 25 will be a special one.