ponders...

i'm wondering about the condition of my body...

is it the number of hours i'm suddenly dancing?

is it my desire to stretch my muscles to gain better muscle use and flexibility?

is it my impatience and idealistic view of how my body should (or shouldn't) be feeling from all the physical exertion?

is it the lack of sleep?

is it only cuz it's the time of the month?

hmmm... the only motivation that i've found in going jogging (and remotely even considering joining the yellow ribbon run) is to improve my stamina for dancing. yet with how running is such a dread to me, i wonder if i should stick to swimming instead. or i could put the not very used sports shoes to use...

anyway, i'm off to 3hour dance class after meeting my insurance agent. (:

15 july 2009

today we came so close to being seriously injured. leaving the office to go view a flat, we were almost late actually, but didn't walk too fast. suddenly from our right, a car drove up the kerb and crashed into a small tree. i screamed at the suddenness of it, shocked that we were less than a metre away from being hit had the tree not been there to bear the brunt of the impact.

recovering from the initial shock, we quickly looked at the driver, only to find that he was having a fit. i think we probably never felt as helpless and shocked at the same time. ok i have, when grandpa died, but that's a different kind. hubby quickly called for an ambulance while i called the police, all the time fighting the adrenaline that was making my heart pound and tears that wanted to but couldn't come.

the poor driver went into at least 3 fits before the ambulance came. the silly police however, didn't come the whole time we waited. we finally left the scene as the paramedics prepared to cart the guy to the hospital.

even as i write this now, i may not have gotten over the incident. probably take a few days? the screech of the tyres, the sight of the car ploughing up and into the tree, the man going into multiple fits while we stood helplessly watching. only hours later did memories of what to do when someone gets a fit come to mind. as much as i'm shocked, i think the driver feels much worse, having gotten into an accident in such a manner.

i'm thankful, for the protection He laid upon us, for the tree that was planted there, that it was strong enough to bear the brunt of the impact. thankful that safety didn't elude us in the few seconds there. thankful, for life in itself. thankful for the hubby's strong embrace to calm me as much as possible.

we eventually saw 2 flats, one in bkt batok, one in clementi. the latter is so desirable, but the last offer at such a high vlaue that we're unsure..at least i know i am. it's so hard to know what's the best price to pay for a combination of factors for a house that will become a home. Lord, we need Your wisdom, and the discernment to have Your peace.

pray for us as we search for our home...

wedding rehearsal

the rehearsal was fun, with mr poh and i nervously fumbling over our vows the first time round. it's really scary saying one's vows on stage with all eyes on us.

it's really such a blessing to see how everything ran so smoothly, with the help of very capable friends (:

looking at the pictures mum took at the rehearsal just now (can't upload cuz don't have the right device to), we really look like kids on stage!!

3 more days. the road to oneness will officially commence, a life of learning to share almost everything begins, and we learn to die to ourselves even more each day. (:

see you at the wedding!

pre wedding jitters

never thought i'd feel this anxious, or fearful. but i do.

fear of the unknown, and the known. anxious of how life will be as i enter the phase called change. funny how i still struggle with change this much, when change is pretty much a constant in life.

these few days have shown me and hubby2be so much of my ugliness, it shocks me to know that he still wants to marry me. scary isn't it, to have such conversations and thoughts less than 2weeks to the wedding? but this really just shows me how unworthy I am. it shows me how desperately i am in need of God.

so as i count the days down (11, 12?) to the big day, i'm needing to remember to REST, with YOU. needing to take in my last days of being a single, an independent, that the days of me being an emotional selfish b**** have to die one by one if i want to truly love mr poh. [sorry if you're offended by my use of language. but i've realised that there're days i'm carnal enough to deserve that name :( ]

i'm not the only one having jitters. think grandma has her own too. i do hope the crying'll stop, so i won't be a puffer fish bride. i do hope even more, that my heart'll be yielded so He can mould me.

girlfriends who are reading this, thank you SO MUCH, for having journeyed with me at different points in my life, that have shaped me to this day. and i trust you will continue to do so. cuz that's what He placed you in my life for.

now there're vows to memorize, speech to prepare for, and thank you cards to make (:

by the way, only today it hit me, 'WHAT was i thinking to go for a 3hour dance class 2days before the wedding???' *sigh* me and my brain. craziness.

thankful

Dear Daddy,

thank U that my seemingly frivolous hope (& prayer) that someone would treat me to a mani-pedi for wedding day actually came true! so very thankful for that.

i'm looking forward to stagemax finally being here. hope i can give my best despite the blinding LED lights.

i wonder if the age of facebook and twitter signals the demise of blogging. :(

help hubby2be and i to settle all that we need to in the next 3weeks!

thank U that U love me, and are patient with me even when i'm not.

lovely weekend of surprises!

the bridesmaid's proposal, after almost 2 months of planning on jordan's part.
grand proposal included a live quartet playing, a banner printed with 'Will you marry me?' in Spanish, flowers handed to jordan from friends and family to make a bouquet for her, teary eyed joey, a declaration of love on bended knee and a long awaited nod (yes!)
and an engagement party @ the bar to end the night.
the 'precious moments' couple who've journeyed 7years together. can't wait for their wedding! (:

the next morning, jordan and joey labored hard to prepare the sweetest door gifts and decorations for my bridal shower in the afternoon. just a few snapshots of the mirade of flowers i received! (:

i need

a good, long acu-pressure massage

a night's sleep and rest that isn't dream filled 80% of the time

to sit down to a good hearty meat-laden with chilli so my body won't keep feeling hungy

to pak-tor with the hubby2be, cuz it's been almost 2-3months since we last went out

dancers to stop falling sick and getting injured and to dance properly for the june project that i wish will be over soon

to REST.

on MC

i'm sittin at home, hugging my bolster, all sniffly with a headache that won't seem to go away, and body aches that surface at their will. 

i'm down with the flu. :(

which made me realise i've not gotten sick for almost 2 years! the stuff i've had to battle were the rhinitis attacks, which pales in comparison to the flu (i think). as a result, i'm trying hard not to be whiny about the aches that won't seem to go away no matter what i do, and the inconsistent temperature that's driving me nuts. 

that said, i'm glad to be able to take a 'guilt free rest', as sara puts it. and if i'd gotten the bug from my pastor in the 1hour meeting hubby2be and i had with him, the bug's either really strong, or my immunity had hit new lows. or both. which is a big reminder to be consistent in popping my vitamins. 

now i shall explore the world of online games (or not), or bury my face in the good book, or some christian literature. flu, quickly go away from me!

striving, to not be

as i sit freezing in the starbucks @ citylink, i decided to blog while waiting for my appointment to arrive. 

the weekend was a crazy one, with much crying from issues deeper than i dared to admit. sunday morning was spent not in church, but at a tcc trying to sort out with Him the stirrings of hurt deep within. the little upset the day before with hubby2be surfaced unresolved stuff. and as much as i hated to admit it, i had to learn to tell myself, and hubby2be, that i still struggle with feeling like i'm not enough.

i don't even remember how the impressions started, of why i often felt a simple comment was an indication that i had not done enough, that my best still didn't meet the mark. And even though i know in my head that i don't have to live up to others' expectations, my heart probably struggles to accept that who i am is really really just enough. and that others' disappointments of me, isn't always cuz i didn't try hard enough. 

i'm not perfect, so why do i try to be? why do i want to be? why do i desire to be faultless and blameless? isn't that pride such an ugly face to wear? *sigh*

*thank you for holding me up in prayer even as you read this. i think the only courage i have in sharing this is cuz, well...i'm 'hidden' behind the 'veil' of the internet...

flowers!!

yay!! was so happy when i found that yv. had posted her pics onto fb. pity none of us got photos of the staircase flower decor though (i think). the helpers did those, and i think the effect was really sweet (: feel so happy just looking at the flowers. we had ordered too many baby's breath and forget-me-nots, and after taking down the decor, we were frantically trying to give them away (heh). thankfully, most of the flowers found an owner! (: