the weekend was a crazy one, with much crying from issues deeper than i dared to admit. sunday morning was spent not in church, but at a tcc trying to sort out with Him the stirrings of hurt deep within. the little upset the day before with hubby2be surfaced unresolved stuff. and as much as i hated to admit it, i had to learn to tell myself, and hubby2be, that i still struggle with feeling like i'm not enough.
i don't even remember how the impressions started, of why i often felt a simple comment was an indication that i had not done enough, that my best still didn't meet the mark. And even though i know in my head that i don't have to live up to others' expectations, my heart probably struggles to accept that who i am is really really just enough. and that others' disappointments of me, isn't always cuz i didn't try hard enough.
i'm not perfect, so why do i try to be? why do i want to be? why do i desire to be faultless and blameless? isn't that pride such an ugly face to wear? *sigh*
*thank you for holding me up in prayer even as you read this. i think the only courage i have in sharing this is cuz, well...i'm 'hidden' behind the 'veil' of the internet...
3 comments:
hugs dear.
have been re-reading "captivating". it really is every girl's struggle, this feeling like we're not enough. it was one of the things i brought up to alvin during that major conflict-resolution episode i told u about. sigh.
i realized that it's a battle i constantly have to fight.
clydie dear. hugs and love. hope you're feeling much better. must rest and drink lots of water. absolutely love our surprise encounter with each other!:)
lalang: yup... i'm reading this book that helped to gently unearth issues. think u might relate to some stuff in it. *hugs*
joey: (: God knows when we need each other! hee hee..
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