fear of the unknown, and the known. anxious of how life will be as i enter the phase called change. funny how i still struggle with change this much, when change is pretty much a constant in life.
these few days have shown me and hubby2be so much of my ugliness, it shocks me to know that he still wants to marry me. scary isn't it, to have such conversations and thoughts less than 2weeks to the wedding? but this really just shows me how unworthy I am. it shows me how desperately i am in need of God.
so as i count the days down (11, 12?) to the big day, i'm needing to remember to REST, with YOU. needing to take in my last days of being a single, an independent, that the days of me being an emotional selfish b**** have to die one by one if i want to truly love mr poh. [sorry if you're offended by my use of language. but i've realised that there're days i'm carnal enough to deserve that name :( ]
i'm not the only one having jitters. think grandma has her own too. i do hope the crying'll stop, so i won't be a puffer fish bride. i do hope even more, that my heart'll be yielded so He can mould me.
girlfriends who are reading this, thank you SO MUCH, for having journeyed with me at different points in my life, that have shaped me to this day. and i trust you will continue to do so. cuz that's what He placed you in my life for.
now there're vows to memorize, speech to prepare for, and thank you cards to make (:
by the way, only today it hit me, 'WHAT was i thinking to go for a 3hour dance class 2days before the wedding???' *sigh* me and my brain. craziness.
3 comments:
hugs!
i think jitters are normal. marriage is HUGE! but God is BIGGER ;)
I had jitters before I went thru my ROM ceremony =) I was standing outside the ballroom, hyperventilating! hahaha...my legs refused to move but once the doors opened, they remembered how to walk and I married Mark (in one piece) =)
God has seen you both through many things in your relationships and if he can still want to marry you after seeing your "ugly" side, you know he's really in it for the long haul =)
Congrats again to you both and looking forward to the beautiful ceremony =)
~Andrea
jitters r veryyyyy normal dear! :):) u can do it!! :)and u r making a right decision to step out in faith.. :)
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