becoming mama

we finally had the long awaited scan yesterday, and discovered that we're going to have a boy (: i was a mixture of happiness and disappointment, the latter being that i've been hoping that our first child would be a girl. but staring at the ultrasound and seeing the boy's facial features, so delicately but clearly formed, i started to tear. here i was staring at my unborn child, known yet unknown.

there was a brief scare, when the technician said she needed one of the senior doctors to look at the baby's heart structure just to make sure everything's alright. i had seen a white spot in baby poh's heart through the ultrasound and true enough, that was the point of concern. thankfully, the doctor said it's not a tumor but the muscle insertion (or something like that) as the heart forms and grows. praying that the white spot will disappear in time.

i'm fearful now and again. i confess that i think i'd find mothering a girl a lot easier cuz i'm a woman. in fact, i'm clueless even as i start thinking of mothering a son. the world of trucks and cars are foreign to me. while the hubby would be a lot more adapt in this area of boys' toys, i would be the one spending most of the time with the little one since i'll be working from home, caring for the baby at the same time. in fact, i had rationalized that God wouldn't give us a boy cuz i just don't feel ready to mother a boy yet. some rationale. :P

yet another huge thing to trust God for! haha.

the process of finding a suitable name for baby poh has begun. there's so much to consider, especially with the mandarin name needing to sound nice in mandarin, hokkien AND cantonese. furthermore, the final initials can't be weird since the boy has to go to the army in future.

here's a look at our baby boy (: it's a little blur cuz i took a picture of the ultrasound with my phone. but it almost feels like he posed for us to see how he looks like. i love him (: