the recent few days have forced me to think about a question i've long avoided, mainly cuz grandpa was hospitalized again, with lung infection and in a critical state. he's neither improving or getting worse, so today he'll be sent back to the nursing home.
the other trigger was discovering the mental condition of a girl i had led to receive Christ. Apart from being 'stalked' via SMS due to her condition, i was emotionally stressed and distressed last month, to discover that because of the nature of social work, most schizophrenic patients (or clients, as social work would term it to be) would not receive much needful help if
- they are unwilling to seek help. [hello, most schizophrenics don't see they've a problem to begin with]
- their main caregiver(s) are the object(s) of their schizophrenic phobias
And this is apart from the social stigma IMH still has with the large population of the Red Dot and the financial burden it places on families for oral medication that'd control but not necessarily treat the patients' illness.
I'm no expert here, but just dealing with theses two issues have made me question,
Why does a loving God allow such pain and suffering to happen?
This is almost similar to questions that many non-Christians would ask about 'the Christian God' or just about 'God', if they even dared to believe one exists at all.
And yes, I asked that, because I had to. In the face of the anonymous girl's situation and visiting my grandpa, I had to. Let me paint you the physical scenario of grandpa that stared at me during my recent visit to him.
He's had Alzheimer's disease, dementia for the last 10 years+, he's had multiple bouts of pneumonia cuz his immune system has been almost destroyed. He's uncommunicative by now, slowly turning blind due to the cataracts forming in his eyes, unable to control his eyes much to focus any remaining sight, curled in a fetal position. He's got lung infection with thick phelgm clogging his lungs and airways, coughing painfully and the only way to express pain is when his fingers press against mine; I had stuffed my fingers into his clasped hand, as a form of 'awakening his senses' if you would, by stroking his palm occasionally. His skeletal chest heaves when he coughs, a sound so painful that I started tearing.
Standing there, in SGH ward 45, I asked God the question.
And in that single moment, in possible bitterness, I almost wanted to forsake all I knew and believed in Him because of what I saw. But in that same moment, the reality that it was only through Him that I can make any sense of this, I started praying for His mercy to be upon grandpa, and hummed '有一位神' in a bid to help him fall asleep.
So really, why? I can ask endless questions and rant to God about how it shouldn't be and He has the power to heal and prevent the disease from happening so why doesn't He and all that....I mean come on, how many times have I fretted to man and God, how the heck am I am supposed to pray? I don't even know what to pray!
but that isn't the point. I have to concede that Man is fallen, and mental illness (along with so many other illnesses) are a result of the falleness of humankind. God in His sovereignty allows ALL things to happen for a reason, and for majority of these, we can't comprehend the reasons. I only know that the sole reason grandpa's still alive is because He's breathing in him, while we all wait for him to be brought Home, where he'll have a new body, free from pain and suffering. And seeing grandpa like that, I see the frailty of man, how we're all but dust, how without Him, sustenance of life in any form is impossible.
I also see God working in my family through grandpa's condition. I know I'm forced to answer this question after all these years. Grandma's care for him (despite her relentless complaints about him) in her visits to the nursing home, dad's fillial piety showing through, bro's heart softening in spite of his down-to-earth demeanour, mum's care for her in-laws. I probably never visited grandpa as often as I wanted to because (1) he couldn't remember who I was for years until a miracle happened earlier this year, and (2) I didn't want to have to face the uncertainty of my heart
A passage in John 9:1-3 that kept bugging me these few years is part of the answer to my question.
" As he (Jesus) went along, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, ' Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?'
'Neither this man nor his parents sinned', said Jesus, 'but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life.' "
I think this quite suits grandpa's situation; he's one of the best men I've known. But the work of God has not only been displayed in the 60+ years of his life prior to this, but through his life, that He might still work in the rest of us.
