healing

i think i never saw it as a problem, not till you made me ask myself, and to really question the heart issues. not just the cuts-on-my-heart kind of issues, but the really huge tumor inside kind of issues that i had amazingly allowed myself to think i had overcome.

i haven't. and to be honest, i may never want to.

until you spoke.

it's hard. and deeply, heart-wrenching, rip-my-guts-out-mash-them-up-and-stuff-them-back-to-my-body painful. i probably don''t quite understand the full extent of my wounds, but that's okay. You'll bring them to light, and heal them.

your very anointed and timely prayer, for me to face my fears of trusting because i'm afraid to be hurt again, by people, by situations. to not build any more walls. to overcome the wounds of having my world crash a decade ago because of my earthly father's choices. 

e. shared before how my submission issues with my earthly father may have effects in submission to others. very true. 

i don't know how You're gonna go about it, but Your peace i felt when hubby2b prayed for me, that's enough. to really wail my hurting heart out, was necessary. 

to not carry my baggages into marriage. to allow me to allow You to heal. to allow death so that resurrection can take place in me. to allow hope to arise again. to trust You because You will never fail me. to not be afraid to be hurt again.

healing.